Decisions not easy at times

Hi All,

I’m Back!!! LOL
My beautiful granddaughter sent me a book of poems by
Amanda Gorman Titled:  Call Us What We Carry

As I read some of the poems I was inspired to write a poem based on what’s been going on as I age.
I wondered where I could post it, then found the blog I made a while ago.
Like most of my projects, they tend to get put to the side, till some spark of creativity resuscitates them back to life. 

I have been thinking of selling my house and moving. It has left me questioning, do I move to VA with my son and his family or do I stay in FL. 

I work from time to time cleaning out the house but am easily distracted as I start the process. I tend to beat myself up a bit. Then today as I wrote this poem things seemed a bit more clearer. 

Is anyone else having this struggle?

     DECISIONS ©   
a poem by Shashana

 Envision, Enlighten, Engage, Escape
The clock is checking off the minutes
You sit thinking…
What do I do?

Thoughts don’t accomplish tasks,
Action does!  When will you take action?
Do you want to change?
Do you want to move forward? Do you want to move?

Conflict exists every day in my mind
I do, I don’t, But.. But… But….
You know what they say about But?
Any words following BUT is usually Bullshit! 

Here I sit in the Bullshit of thoughts
Paralyzed by my thinking
Overwhelmed by the pending actions
Wanting a magic wand to wave it all into submission

Alas, no magic wand,
Only muscles to move
Determination requires action
Procrastination is action, only in your thoughts

A decision? I must make a decision
But a decision requires doing,
So I wallow in doing nothing, 
If I take some small action, will I convince myself I am doing something?

 Moving, clearing, letting go, tossing
My mind wanders and questions
Why am I so resistant to change? To move?
TOO cold, TOO far, TOO freezing, TOO many blankets to  keep me warm,
     Too many thoughts as I languish in one spot all day

Life feels, somedays, like it’s over, whether I stay or go
I am trapped by a word …Pandemic
I am trapped by fear
I don’t want to die, but I am already dead to living

I often label myself a seeker
Then why am I not seeking answers or adventures
To my conundrum of despair?
Instead, I sit, here in my chair,

Lamenting my discouragement while seeking Gods light
To guide me back to joy and delight in life,
Each day I remind myself, do one little thing
Maybe then, a glimmer of hope will begin,

You say, you want out of despair
You say you want to feel some purpose,
Remember,  if you can find the joy in your heart,
Action is not far behind, my sweet child, you only need to start…

 

I liked this quote I found on google seemed to fit my thoughts in the poem