4/18/2024
Wow life has changed considerably since my original postings.
Took some major risks and came to live with my family in VA. Three months later they changed their mind and asked me to leave.
I was shocked, stunned and went into a deep depression. I felt hopeless, trapped and confused.
I had left all my furniture in Florida. How was I going to furnish an apartment for me.
The sad part is I didn't follow my heart.
I allowed my fears and the people that were scaring me with what they were saying to influence my decision. I was 76 and bought into what they said.
"I was too old to live alone. What if I needed help? Its good to live near family that can help you."
Admittedly, my own fears about the home, I had lived in for 30 years played a role in it.
The storms were bringing water half way up my lawn. The little lagoon nearby that when I moved in had a dock that the kids fished from with their feet dangling above the water. That ponds water had risen up over the dock and now was a foot or two from the road.
I had thoughts of getting a small rubber boat. So fear played a big part in my thoughts.
I told the realtor I wanted a condo but she never followed up. It appeared I let many other people make important decisions for me. I was full of stress and unable to make any healthy rational decisions.
So here I am in Virginia, a year later, living in the country, not near any stores and dealing with cold weather a few months a year. Which has sent me further into despair, feeling isolation from no one talking to me and not caring if I lived or died.
I am trying to find a solution. Move back to Florida? Stay here and find an apartment? Find someone to adopt me? (which is possible) or decide if I have a dream I want to make happen before I leave this earth.
If I was an unkind person, mean spirited, selfish, self centered, dishonest, I would understand better why this was happening. I have been kind, giving, generous and loving. I have my shortcomings like anyone else so its hard to grasp why.
When I ask, I get a few odd reasons, nothing major, did make one error in judgement but when asked about it, I admitted I was wrong, and corrected it as quickly as possible. So not sure why it seems I am still being punished.
I have a few friends, as well as my therapist and doctor that seem to think my sons wife may be a Narcissist. They sent me a few articles and I was shocked and surprised after reading them. I also did some more researching and the information made sense.
All my life, I have always suffered from anxiety and depression. We all have our crosses to bear in life. If either of us had a physical disability you can see, we would get empathy. However, with emotional problems you don't see them, its hidden and comes out in behavior
So I am not sure if there is a solution. My heart breaks for my son because he is caught in the middle. So I stay out of the way, hope we can have a family talk or maybe family therapy to resolve the issues. That is my wish. From all I read I doubt that would happen. So I look for places in FL, I am on senior apartment waiting lists here and ask God to bless them and help me to find His will for me and them.
I ask God for help every morning, think how can I make myself happy today? Try to take the next right action and have faith that answer's will come.
If anyone has been in this situation please feel free to share your resolutions.
Be happy, Be Blessed, live in today and if your on this side of the grass today?
Thank the God of your understanding.
