Decisions not easy at times

Hi All,

I’m Back!!! LOL
My beautiful granddaughter sent me a book of poems by
Amanda Gorman Titled:  Call Us What We Carry

As I read some of the poems I was inspired to write a poem based on what’s been going on as I age.
I wondered where I could post it, then found the blog I made a while ago.
Like most of my projects, they tend to get put to the side, till some spark of creativity resuscitates them back to life. 

I have been thinking of selling my house and moving. It has left me questioning, do I move to VA with my son and his family or do I stay in FL. 

I work from time to time cleaning out the house but am easily distracted as I start the process. I tend to beat myself up a bit. Then today as I wrote this poem things seemed a bit more clearer. 

Is anyone else having this struggle?

     DECISIONS ©   
a poem by Shashana

 Envision, Enlighten, Engage, Escape
The clock is checking off the minutes
You sit thinking…
What do I do?

Thoughts don’t accomplish tasks,
Action does!  When will you take action?
Do you want to change?
Do you want to move forward? Do you want to move?

Conflict exists every day in my mind
I do, I don’t, But.. But… But….
You know what they say about But?
Any words following BUT is usually Bullshit! 

Here I sit in the Bullshit of thoughts
Paralyzed by my thinking
Overwhelmed by the pending actions
Wanting a magic wand to wave it all into submission

Alas, no magic wand,
Only muscles to move
Determination requires action
Procrastination is action, only in your thoughts

A decision? I must make a decision
But a decision requires doing,
So I wallow in doing nothing, 
If I take some small action, will I convince myself I am doing something?

 Moving, clearing, letting go, tossing
My mind wanders and questions
Why am I so resistant to change? To move?
TOO cold, TOO far, TOO freezing, TOO many blankets to  keep me warm,
     Too many thoughts as I languish in one spot all day

Life feels, somedays, like it’s over, whether I stay or go
I am trapped by a word …Pandemic
I am trapped by fear
I don’t want to die, but I am already dead to living

I often label myself a seeker
Then why am I not seeking answers or adventures
To my conundrum of despair?
Instead, I sit, here in my chair,

Lamenting my discouragement while seeking Gods light
To guide me back to joy and delight in life,
Each day I remind myself, do one little thing
Maybe then, a glimmer of hope will begin,

You say, you want out of despair
You say you want to feel some purpose,
Remember,  if you can find the joy in your heart,
Action is not far behind, my sweet child, you only need to start…

 

I liked this quote I found on google seemed to fit my thoughts in the poem

 

The Great I I (thats two i's)

 Many years ago I was traveling with my best friend and talking about my problems. I can't remember what kind of problems I had at that time, but I do remember I was being a drama queen (one of my character defects) that still rears its ugly head in my life 😇.

My friend let out a heavy sigh and said to me "GEEZZZZ" with obvious impatience, then added "your creating the great ii."

I asked "what the hell is the great ii?" and she said,

"Inflicting Insanity on yourself!" 

The light bulb went on and I gained a new insight into myself. I was doing this to me!!! I was making me crazy! Not the situation, not the people involved, just me with negative self talk and telling myself a story about what was happening with way to much drama. LOL

Over the years she has had to remind me a few times I was doing the great ii AGAIN and we always had a good laugh over it.

But I have incorporated it into my life, so now, I can take responsibility for my own thoughts and actions and reverse course pretty quickly and get some sense of peace back into my life. 

One more life reflection as a senior for a lesson learned and my old friend who taught it to me.

I have passed this life lesson on to others and they always respond with a smile and that look, that in that moment they too, have experienced and AHA!! moment.

.

 

Miracles Do Happen One Day at a Time

 I had an interesting experience many years ago. I have always been a fearful person and often thought I can't do that or that's too scary. 

A friend encouraged me many years ago to take a two hour ride to a campground my parents took me to when I was a child and take some pictures and make some new memories. 

I started the seemingly long drive and got an hour into it and thought "I can't do this!"

I saw a diner and decided to stop for a cup of coffee. I wasn't sure if I was going to keep on going or turn around and go home. I said a little prayer as I walked into the restaurant. I am not overly religious don't often go to church but have a real solid faith in a God of my understanding. 

As I walked inside the hostess greeted me and took me to a table. I sat down and quietly said a little prayer for God to direct my path today. The waitress came over to the table and took my order and then returned with a paper place mat. As she placed it on the table I looked down and it said:

Live Life One Day At A Time and Make It A Masterpiece. 

I kid you not, I was awestruck and felt like God was with me at the table. I had my coffee and continued on to my destination having one of the best days of my life.

I surrendered to the fear, overcame my resistance, surrendered to His Will and fearlessly moved forward. Miracles do happen if we are "willing"  put in the action one day at a time.